I'm writing this mostly for me so I have it out there in the world and to help me collect my thoughts.

On the 5th of September my dad left this mortal realm and began a new adventure.  I'm not a religious person but I have some spiritual beliefs and take comfort from knowing that he's just playing his part in the cycle of life and soon he will released back to nature to become something new.  

I didn't see as much as him as I'd have liked in an ideal world.  Between Covid and his own deteriorating health it just wasn't possible.  However, the times I had in the last couple of years are all the more precious for that.  I thought I'd share here some of the little things that I will keep in me.  

Firstly his laugh.  Often inappropriately loud but always so full of life and shared with minimal fucks given :) If something tickled him you knew it.  It's also a part of him that very much lives in me and I think my task from hereon is give less fucks too when I share it with the world.  I'm a card carrying introvert.  While I enjoy teaching and working with others I do my recharging alone.  I process things alone and as a result have to consciously remind myself to ask for help when needed. Hearing dad's laugh come out of my mouth has been at times a little disconcerting, sometimes embarrassing but, as dad would have liked, I'm learning to care less and just enjoy a good laugh.  

The love of science, science fiction, computer and all things geeky came from dad too.  I used to sit with him on our old Electron computer and we'd spend hours entering in code from computer magazines, he'd read and I'd type.  Rarely did the code bare fruit because it would always be littered with errors but we'd plough through as many of the error messages as we could just because it was exciting seeing if it would run this time.  

Thanks too dad for the passion for music.  Mum has this too but it was dad who would walk up to meet me after a gig in my teens.  Sometimes I'd go on my own just to see the band and he'd just grab a pint in the bar.  He even joined me on a few occasion and came with me to see Dave Vanian play with the Phantom Chords.  Often I'd moan about the music he played.  Leonard Cohen sounded like some plodding, monotonous droning old man.  Age has tuned my ear a little and I do like some of his songs but it would probably amuse dad to know how many of the artists I love list him as an influence. 

Dad, I think of you when I choose some music before getting stuck into some meditative washing up.  I hate housework but washing up is different.  I like the process of taking things when they're dirty or greasy and making them look new again.  I also enjoy the time just standing and thinking about stuff.  Even in my lowest moments with depression I've managed to do washing up.  I watch the birds sometimes on the tree out the window, sing badly to my music, watch the dirty plates become transformed and work through some shit in my head.  

Finally thank you dad for the hours you spent helping with homework.  I really do enjoy maths but sometimes the teachers didn't say things in a way that clicked.  I honestly have no idea how you did it, especially the stuff like quadratic equations.  I forgot the stuff the minute I walked out the school doors that last day.  I know you did maths a night school but you must have properly understood it to take me through it years later. 

I don't want to make this too rambling so I'm going to hand over to Mr Vedder and just share my favourite Pearl Jam song and probably one of my favourite songs by anyone.  It' seems fitting and I think he'd appreciate it.  



   

Thank you Dad.
JHC 8/3/44 - 5/9/21